Gabsterz Everything Relationship's

What do I do now? I still anticipate that you will come back and stay. That anticipation is slowly waning but as for the love you asked me to find a way not to love you anymore will never go away. It might change into something else like hate. I don’t know why you do the things you do or say the things that you say. You don’t have to lie to kick it. If you don’t mean something don’t do or say it. I don’t understand what it is that you feel that is okay to play with someone’s emotions the way that you do, but that is all that you do. You make statements saying that you are in love with me and actions like kissing me the way that you have twice before but no, you are not leading me on. Then what is it then? I would like to know so that I can find some kind of closure to the love that you say you have for me when in fact you don’t really care about me. You want to just keep the door open to me. I cannot continue allowing you access to me just so you can hurt me more. No one deserves to have their head messed with the way that you have messed with my head. The interesting thing is that you started all of this. I did not do this. I am not looking for someone to blame – I want to know why. What makes someone do these things?

You have moved out once again and have left your stuff here after I have told you to get it out of my house. A part of me wants to just burn all of it but another part clings to hope that you will come back. Why should I have to go through this type of cruel treatment. Every time you leave and I start to get over you, you come running back to me reigniting all those emotions that I have for you. I know that it is my own fault for allowing you access back to me. I am trying to find a way to stop loving you like you said but like I said before love just don’t go away. It is not a light switch that you can just turn off and on. It may be that way for you, but it is not that way for me because the love I have for you is genuine as opposed to what you have for me. You just use me and it is sad that I just let you. I don’t know what to do anymore but I hope there is a solution to this and very soon.

I just sent you a text message stating that I don’t have anything for you anymore and not to contact me ever again. That is what you said you wanted in a previous text message so I am just doing what you asked me to do. This is getting so old. You think all of this is a game well find some new game pieces cause none of this is a game to me. The way that all of this makes me feel is that there is no point in even trying for a relationship with anyone anymore – that it is just not worth it. I can find my own peace without you. I don’t want what you are bringing to the table anymore.

Am I the only one that is going through all of this drama? I can’t even get into an official relationship. I don’t know how I am going to get over you – probably never will. I wish I could go back before you kissed me the way you did that one day. That is the moment that I fell in love with you and as good as it felt I wish it had never happened.

This story keeps writing itself with the same bad pen on the same damn paper and I am in the same place that I have been for most of this year. I can’t seem to get you out of my head or off of my mind. I come back to this forum to vent off my frustration because I don’t talk to really anyone anymore about my own problems or issues that I am facing. Finding someone that you can trust nowadays is a challenge. I can’t seem to break free from whatever grip you have on me but I know that I will rise up out of the ashes soon and you will know then that your shameful ways have allowed me to finally slip away from you and into something you will want from now on and can’t have. Everything that you ever wanted will pour out of my existence just for you to see – to tantalize you as you remember everything you did to hurt me now returns to you – a dose of your own medicine. Of course there will be no joy in watching you suffer through your own demise as the tables turn in this life.

You are still on this back and forth shit and it is beyond getting old. I even told you just the other day that if you can’t be my friend then stay the fuck away from me. You just come back into my life and disrupt everything that I have going on just to leave again and go back to the same abusive relationship and you want me to respect your choice and be happy for you because you are in love although you have said it to me more than once that you do not know how to love. You were brought up in abuse and don’t know anything else. You say that you want to find a way to not love my cousin because you are getting hurt and you don’t want to get hurt anymore. The first thing you have to do is quit talking to him and allowing him access to you – it really is that simple or you just like the way that he treats you and you’re just talking out the side of your neck. What is it? I am all ears.