We’ve all had those moments. It’s 2:00 AM, your phone is in your hand, your heart is racing, and you’re about to send that text. Or perhaps you’re standing in your driveway, watching a tail-light disappear, and every instinct you have is telling you to chase, to argue, or to break something.
In my 50 years on this planet—including time served in the military and years navigating the “butt crack of East Texas”—I’ve learned that most of our misery is self-inflicted. We don’t just fall into holes; we dig them, jump in, and then wonder why it’s dark.
That is why I created the Triple D-S Rule: Don’t Do Dumb Shit.
It sounds simple, maybe even a bit crude. But if you can master this one rule, you will save yourself years of heartache, thousands of dollars in “stupid tax,” and a lifetime of regret.
What Exactly is “Dumb Shit”?
Before we can follow the rule, we have to define the enemy. “Dumb shit” isn’t just about big mistakes like breaking the law. In the context of Gabsterz Everything Relationship’s, “dumb shit” usually refers to emotional reactivity.
It’s the act of letting your temporary feelings make permanent decisions. It’s the “back and forth” where you allow someone access to your peace of mind when they haven’t earned it.
Examples of “Dumb Shit” in Relationships:
- The Safety Net Syndrome: Staying up waiting for someone who only calls you when their first choice fails them.
- The Reactionary Text: Sending a three-paragraph essay to someone who hasn’t replied to your “Hello” in three days.
- The Ego Chase: Trying to “win” an argument with someone who doesn’t value the truth.
- The Financial Leak: Paying the phone bill or car note of someone who treats you like an option rather than a priority.
The Psychology of the Loop: Why We Break the Rule
Why do we do it? Why do we find ourselves back at the same desk, on the same rainy Saturday, writing about the same person?
It comes down to Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Many of us were raised in environments where “chaos” was the only love language we knew. If things were quiet, they felt wrong. So, we seek out partners who provide “excitement” (which is actually just anxiety) and we perform “dumb shit” to try and keep them.
When I talk about She Is Just Using Me, I’m describing a lack of boundaries. When we lack boundaries, the Triple D-S rule is impossible to follow because we believe that “doing the dumb shit” is a sign of loyalty. It isn’t. It’s a sign of a lack of self-respect.
Pillar 1: The Power of the Pause
The moment you feel the urge to “do dumb shit,” your nervous system is in “fight or flight” mode. Your logical brain (the prefrontal cortex) has essentially shut down, and your emotional brain (the amygdala) is driving the car.
The Rule: Never make a decision while you are crying, yelling, or intoxicatingly “in love.” Give it 24 hours. If the text still needs to be sent tomorrow, send it then. (Spoiler: It usually doesn’t).
Pillar 2: The Process (Logic vs. Emotion)
Ask yourself: “Does this action move me closer to the person I want to be, or does it keep me stuck in the person I used to be?”
If you are waiting for someone to choose you, like I discussed in She’s free at last, the logical “process” tells you that their actions are their answer. The “dumb shit” is ignoring the answer because you don’t like the way it tastes.
Pillar 3: The Pivot
Once you realize you’re about to do something dumb, you need a “Pivot Activity.” This is where you channel that creative energy I mentioned in my Triple D-S Rule post.
- Write a blog post.
- Go to the gym.
- Work on your business.
- Practice your faith.
Why Public Schools Need Relationship Education
I’ve argued before that Relationship Classes in Public Schools should be a requirement. We teach kids how to solve for $x$ in algebra, but we don’t teach them how to identify a narcissist or how to set a healthy boundary.
Without the Triple D-S rule, we are raising generations of people who think that “toxic” is a personality trait rather than a series of bad choices. Imagine a world where 18-year-olds knew that their value isn’t tied to someone else’s inability to see it. We would have fewer broken homes and a lot more peace.
The Hard Truth: Breaking the Habit
Look, I’m 50. I’m still learning this. I still have to tell myself “Don’t Do Dumb Shit” at least once a week.
When you’ve spent 14 years being the consistent person for someone who is inconsistent, it’s a hard habit to break. You start to feel like a “gentleman” for being there, but at some point, being a gentleman for someone who doesn’t respect you is just… well, it’s breaking the rule.
As I said in my Something To Think About post: No response is a response. Sometimes the most “Dumb-Shit-Free” thing you can do is absolutely nothing.
Conclusion: Your Challenge
I want you to look at your life right now. Where are you currently “Doing Dumb Shit”?
- Is it a person?
- Is it a habit?
- Is it a way you talk to yourself?
Stop making excuses for the people who wouldn’t make an effort for you. Stop being the “safety net” for people who don’t even check to see if you’re okay.
Practice the Triple D-S Rule today. Protect your peace. Protect your heart. And for the love of everything, put the phone down and go to sleep.
What’s one “Dumb Shit” habit you’re giving up this week? Let me know in the comments below.
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